Nature's Beauty

Edgewater Park is not the prettiest park in the city of Anderson.  However, it has an attractiveness to my boys because it runs alongside the White River (which is not so "white").   Hence, the name--Edgewater.  Sometimes, when the rains have come or the snow has melted, you can actually not enter the park because a large portion of it is underwater.  When we came last fall, the water was very low.  The kids actually took off their shoes and headed into the river, searching for crawdads and other various treasures of the river.  It was great, until Chase thought he would drink some of the water.  I kept telling him to stop, but he thought I was joking.  Yes, he had some tummy issues the next day.  Sigh.   :(    The water is definitely NOT clean and should not be ingested.  You also want to wash your hands well after playing in it.  But, something about a river is magnetic.   

Sunday was tranquil.  The boys were thoroughly entertained by trying to fish (Ry/Niko) and by throwing rocks in the water (Ry, Niko, Chase and Casey!).   Ryan caught a decent sized fish actually--which flopped itself right back into the water after being unhooked.   We walked down into the forest for awhile.  The path is not so nice, because the animals (I'm guessing water fowl) cover it with waste.  You have to tread carefully, or clean your shoes later.  But, the grasses and the forest are beautiful.  They do not mow because it is wild grass and the flowers and the fungi are just amazing.  As we returned from our walk, we looked across a private field that is mowed.  In the middle of a field was a large and beautiful fox.  He was just staring at us as we went along the path.  Then as we moved on, he started to move too and then stopped again to watch us.  He was amazing.  Suddenly, out of the undergrowth of a tree line barged an animal I had never seen before in person.  Casey thinks it was a badger.  It was brownish and almost as large as the fox, but with a rounder body.  It attacked the fox and they fought a bit.  Then it ran back to the tree line and then charged the fox again.  They disappeared into the tree line, fighting.   I thought it was neat to see these animals, which I had not seen, in the flesh.   I think I am seeing more animals here than I saw in the jungles of Indo.  On a walk several weeks ago we came across a snake sunning himself on our path.   I think it adds to the beauty of nature, which sometimes I take for granted.   Casey has moaned some about how Indiana is not that beautiful--it's "flat" and "boring"....but, I'm finding quite a bit to be interested in :). 

Naked Flying

I was in Indianapolis in 2003 (I think :).   Ryan and Casey were back in Indonesia and I was heading to/from a writer's conference in Florida.  I had routed through Indianapolis for some reason.  Details like that escape my memory now for some reason.   I do remember though, being in the security line.  We were headed through the line and people were removing jackets and belts.  As we removed layers of outerwear worn in colder climates, I remember the gentleman in front of me turning around and saying, "We are just a few steps away from naked flying."   Oh, how right he was.   Shoes have to be removed now as standard procedure.   However, the news story that the boys and I heard this morning on NPR gave us frightening food for thought.  Apparently an Al-Queda Arabia plan was thwarted recently by a double agent.  He offered his services for a suicide mission and was given a funky new underwear bomb which was "form-fitting" into a pair of briefs and "hardly detectable by airport security."   Based on the track record of the TSA, an their propensity to be reactive instead of proactive, I now completely believe that the stranger in line was absolutely right.  No WONDER I am doing my best not to fly domestically in America anymore.   Train, automobile, boat...here I come!!

Same Verse

When you come across the same verse a few times over a relatively short period of time, maybe you should pay attention.  One verse that has come to my attention a few times is:  Matthew 8:20, "Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”  I came across that verse in a R12 study group and then my pastor just preached on it this week.  I think that God knows that I am really ready to have a "home".  Although I am a MK/TCK and have never really had that sense of "home" that others have, I feel weary of traveling and moving.  We've almost been here in the States for an entire year.  As I sit here, there are trunks stacked right next to me which can't be unpacked.  I'm tired of that.   I remember vividly some days when being "at home" in Salatiga struck me.  I remember that I was driving on certain city streets.  It wasn't a house I was thinking about, but I was realizing that the town of Salatiga was "home".  Although I was a foreigner, I felt comfortable there.  Although I had some belongings with me and others in the States, I was still as "at home" as I would ever be.  
But, that feeling is gone.  This town, where I live right now, doesn't really feel like home.  Don't get me wrong, there are people I love here.  There are some church communities which I love dearly.  They are helping me grow and learn new things each day.   I have made some brand new friends who are completely incredible and are sold out to God.  They humble me and encourage me.  However, this still feels transitory.   I am not sinking in and being "at home" or settling.  I don't know what that means.  Maybe it means that we will move again, sooner than I realize?  I do feel like a "foreigner and stranger on the earth".   I guess He is trying to say that following Him doesn't mean that we settle, sink in, and get comfortable.  We're ready every moment for what is next.  My heart cries out, "I'm ready Lord".   And, I think I'm ready for heaven...where we will be settled together with Him forever. 

Da Boys

I spend a lot of time with my three boys.  This week I feel like I spend TOO much time with my boys.   :)  I thought it would be a good time to write about what they are into and what they are up to. 

• What we are reading together:  The Twin Towers by Tolkien
• What they are reading on their own:  Tintin books, creepy stories (Niko) and things about reptiles, Star Wars, dinosaurs.
• What they are watching:  At the moment, a Japanese Godzilla movie
• What they play:  Play Station, DS and Niko has a "friend" next door named Abigail who is here for a few months.  They play outside.  Together they learned to roller blade and they have taken to climbing trees.  The only bad day was when he got stuck in a pine tree and couldn't figure out how to get down.  It's gonna be rough when she leaves.  Chase loves Abigail too.  If Niko goes out, he wants to go too.  It's always, "Is Abigail home?"  When he goes out, he often rides his tricycle.  Yeah, he's gonna miss Abigail too.    Chase is our "motor" boy.  He likes trains, cars and motorcyles a lot more than his brothers did, which pleases his father's heart.  
• What their parents make them do:  karate.  All three boys are doing karate now.
• What they are interested in:   They like animals.  Ryan has two tadpoles he is caring for and Niko has a snail.  Ryan has also planted a whole line of sunflowers at the apartments where we live, and has been watering them.  They are into seeds and planting and seeing things grow.
• How they are changing:  Ryan is growing very tall.  Niko is gaining inches too, but it is hard to see when you compare it to how quickly Ryan is growing.  Ryan and Niko basically don't like girls, although at least Niko will play with them.  And, Abigail is not very "girlie", says Niko.   When Chase says something like, "I love girls" or "Who loves you, baby?" the older two erupt in a chorus of "EEEEWWWS."   They tell me that even though I am a girl, I'm alright.  It's like I don't count.   In the past week, Chase has hit his full-on-talk button.  He has already been talking plenty, but this week it has been way more mature.  He sounds just like a bigger kid!   When Casey took him to the store for an hour this week, he said Chase talked for the entire hour.   Guess he was getting his 2cents in while his brothers were gone.   :)    He is still my "Linus".  He loves to hold his blankie on his head or face when he is tired, and his little mouth starts sucking.  He has done that since he was tiny.   He loves to pretend he is a puppy.  He wags his tail and barks and you are supposed to feed him, give him water, and give him a mandi.  :) 
• What they are learning:  We are trying to finish up our first year of home-schooling.  Only 28 more days to go!!   It's proving tough to finish out well.  We are thinking about an online school option for the fall.  It should be a pretty flexible thing, no matter where we end up.   It's been an interesting year with positives and negatives. 

I love my boys.  This week they may be driving me crazy, but I am so thankful that I am their Mom.  What a priviledge and an honor!  May I cherish my moments with them always! 

Practicing Thankfulness

I have read through part of the book "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp and have been encouraged by others to embrace gratitude and thankfulness. I already know, through experience, that when you have a spirit of gratitude then negativity and the spirit of grumbling is pushed out.  My sister-in-law and I started sharing one thing we are thankful for each day with one another.  I think that this is a good practice for me, but  I feel like I am wanting more.  I feel the need to live in gratitude.  It seems like Voskamp is getting at that when she talks about every day moments and about that gratitude seeping out through every pore---at every moment.  I want to be in a place where I wear those glasses.  That as I look at my life, I see things---constantly, to praise Him about.   I don't think I am there.  Most days in my life right now it is a struggle to name things I am thankful about.  I have some key ones (my family, my friends, an income,  a place to live)...and I can always fall back on those...but, I want to be a person that lives in gratitude so that every moment offers something to give thanks about.  I want to see the beauty or the treasures in my daily chores and in my daily struggles.   That's where I want to be. 

Caution Required

One lesson I have learned in this process of transition to the States is the need for caution in both what I say to others and also how I process what others say.  We left our work overseas with a clear conviction that we were following truth and doing what was right, even though it hurt so badly.  Over those weeks of "goodbyes", so many people told us--over and over again---that God had something "big" in store for us.  After hearing it so often, we really took that to heart I think.  In all the pain we looked with anticipation on what was ahead.   Now we are where we are, and it doesn't feel good.   We ask God, Where is this something BIG?  This is so not it!  Our hearts are filled with the broken pieces of our expectations.   I think I've learned something really important from this.  I know that everyone who spoke those words had good intentions.   But, as I think logically about it now, I realize that it may just have been their own personal words of comfort.  I can't necessarily take that as a "word" from the Lord.  I know that there are people in my life who have spoken the words of God to me, but that doesn't mean that every believer out there is.   I need to keep that in mind and have some realistic expectations.  I understand more now that those words were meant for comfort and encouragement.  I mean, who wants to say, "Bless you as you go!  It's really going to be tough and awful to adjust to the States.  I hope you survive it.  God will be with you"?    Maybe, standing on the other side of it now though, I would have appreciated more "truth" and less "make you feel betters"?    It's also taught me to be careful about how I encourage others and what I say.  When I encourage, I need to offer truth in love.  I need to stick with what is really in the Scripture--He is Lord.  He loves us.  He is with us.   He does have A plan.  

Lost

As you can tell from looking at this blog, my blog has gotten "lost"...and I rather feel like I have gotten lost too.  It is so hard to tell where I am right now.  There is so much going on with my family, our transition to the States, and my own mind and heart.  I feel lost in this powerful storm and there has not been a break in the weather. 

Something that has caught my heart recently is the story of the disciples in the boat with Jesus.  He was so tired and as the boat went out on the water, He fell asleep.  As He slept, as storm came upon them.  They battled with it, trying to keep their boat from capsizing.  As they worked and struggled, He rested.  That's an incredible picture in my mind.  I see their arms flexed, their teeth clenched...every part of them, heart and soul, involved in the struggle.   And, He sleeps.  Peacefully, quietly, without concern at that time.  What has spoken to me is that He didn't get up right away.  He continued to sleep.   He let them struggle and work for awhile.  They had to come to Him and rouse Him..."Help us Lord!"   I don't know His purpose for them in that moment.  I don't know why they had to deal with the tough exhausting work or the fear and terror of impending death.  Maybe so that they could see, that there is peace in that. He has a peace that He offers that cannot be shaken by our intense emotions, grief, loss, pain, suffering and "being lost".   I fight, I pull, I struggle--and as I look at Him in the boat of my life, I just want to let go and snuggle up in the crook of His outstretched sleeping arm.   What am I waiting for?   There is peace and there is rest. 

(Now that my blog is no longer "lost", I hope to use it more often...) :)