Turning it Upside Down

I know that some people may disagree with the thoughts I have now, and I am okay with that.  This is just where my thoughts are, and as I write them, I don't mean to offend anyone.   I find it interesting to try to lay it out and to give this whole new line of thought a voice... :)    Please feel welcome to agree or disagree...I am fine with either!   And, please, do not take anything personally.   This is not directed at anyone in particular. 

I grew up with a feminist father.  That is to say, my Dad was very supportive of women's rights and would agree that a woman should and could have the same opportunities as a man.  I think, that if Dad was himself these days, that Dad would be a promotor of any person who was not receiving their rights.  He would be for the struggling and for the disenfranchised---regardless of what puts them in that position.    Dad always made me feel that I could be or do anything.   I felt this freedom to think about my future and what I wanted to study and what I wanted to do.  I am thankful for that.

I remember my first experience with discrimination based on my gender.  It happened when I was working at Sears.  I began working in Sears when I was still in high school and I worked there for 7 years.   Actually, I experienced plenty of "discrimination" there.  The situation I will not forget involved my work in the hardware department.  The phone rang and I picked it up.  The man said, "I want to talk to someone who know something about drills."  I said, "Yes, sir...how can I help you?"  He said, "NO... I want to talk to someone who KNOWS something about drills!"   I rolled my eyes and called for a MALE co-worker to help him out.   Although I was a female, I had received all of the training and although I didn't have a lot of personal experience with routers and circular saws---I  knew that the young man I called to the phone probably had just as much as me.   I remember feeling frustrated and annoyed.  It also happened when I moved to the electronics department.  I was struggling with the decision about whether or not to make the move to work in the all-commission electronics department.  There were only men working there.  I was told clearly, "If the men in that department don't like you, you won't make it."  I made it there because I did get along with them and they became my brothers/best friends (to this day!).  But, because I was a woman, I had no shot there without their support.  It was truth, because I saw other women come and try and they didn't make it.  

Things have really changed for America now economically.  Many people are trying to get jobs and they just can't find one.   I am finding that my perspectives are changing a lot and that God has things to say to me about being a wife and a mother.   When we got back, I had a few job offers in the area of teaching.   I had a job offered to me immediately for there was a great need.  I felt uncertain about taking it, and God shut it down.  He said clearly, "You are not to take a job until your husband has a job."   Men and women are really wired differently, and I am coming to see it and grasp it.   There is no problem with a woman who works outside the home, but truly, at our core---we were created to nuture and help out children grow and to care for our home and husband.  Men find a lot of value and affirmation in their work.   God created them to be the bread-winners.   Women find a lot of value and affirmation in raising their children. (Please, I know these are generalizations, but I really do believe that mostly hold true for everyone.  I understand that there may be a few cases where it doesn't fit...but I think it mostly does.)   I have witnessed several situations where the woman has had to work because there is no job for the husband, and I have seen how difficult that has been on them.   It has wounded their relationship.   When Casey and I were here for a year in 2004, it happened to us.  Casey had some freelance work, but it was not steady employment.  I got a lab tech job and did some teaching at a community college.  He was home a lot with Ry (3) and Niko (18 months).   Deep in my heart I feel sad about that time because I missed some key moments for Niko.  Casey did it--and he did fine with it---but it wasn't the best fit for him.  The value from a job, where he could care for his family, was missing.   It wasn't "right" and it caused a lot of stress.  

The area where my perspective is changing is in the area of how to choose someone for a job.  I have always struggled some with Affirmative Action.  I think at the beginning it really was a valid policy and perhaps can be if you have two people with equal qualifications but one is a minority.  I think that in that case, it was important to give some greater support to minorities.   However, I have witnessed many cases where a minority was chosen because they were a minority, and they really haven't done the job properly.  It is hard to watch when you see that----and you know that your husband was not even called for an interview for that position...to see what he could bring to it. 
As I look at the job market and what has been happening, I feel like the white male has had to endure increasing discrimination.  However, they can't make an arguement for that in a politically correct nation for that would be "racist".  The country is changing and the white male or female is possibly the minority at this point in time.  Since the whites have been those who have oppressed others in the past, this may never be righted again.   I don't really feel comfortable with exchanging one type of discrimination for another.  Is it okay to shift things so dramatically that we poor discrimination on the perpetrators from the past generations?   

So, this kind of leaves me with a mental conundrum.   In applying for other jobs, so I can help my family financially, do I really believe that I should be considered over a male for the position?  Should I even apply at all, if it means that a man who is my competitor for the position may not be able to buy food for his family?    Those are good questions for me to grapple with.   All that I can do is prayerfully consider my actions and pray that God directs me and the potential employer to pick the BEST person for the position---and not the female.   

Headline

I was shopping for something the other day and I saw a magazine near the cashier.  The headline really stood out to me.  I can't remember now which magazine it was, but perhaps it was People.  It was featuring a celebrity who has a son recently diagnosed with an illness.   The headline read, "I will not let him die".    I understand that the headline (and probably the article, although I didn't read it) meant that the mother would fight for her son and provide all she could for him.   As a celebrity, they probably have more resources than many other people.   But, on the other hand, the arrogance of the headline stopped me in my tracks.  Who are we to think that we can control anything?  Who are we to think that we can keep a loved one here?   Who are we to make such a statement?  Juxtaposed against such arrogance was the humility I witnessed as a father and husband shared his broken heart yesterday at an amazing memorial service, crying out--"Why God?....Why did you take my wife and my son?"   There was no arrogance as he shared his continuing faith in a God he does not always understand.   There was no arrogance as he laid his grief bare and as made evident  that he will choose to willingly cling to and surrender to God in the face of such hardship.   

Who are we to think that we can understand the ways of the Lord and control the world? (Job 38).
Blessed be Your Name....

God's Gift to Me...My Husband

Eighteen years ago I got married.  We got married when we were still in college.  I have never regretted the who I married, but I in some ways I did regret the when.   It was hard to be married, take classes, and then both work several jobs.  There was one semester when we didn't see each other, save when we passed each other on Highway 32 somewhere between Daleville and Yorktown.  He was doing classes at Ball State and would be heading back to work.  I was student teaching in Yorktown and working nights at Ball Memorial.  I would keep my eyes peeled for his black Camero and would wave as I passed by.  It was not easy to manage studies effectively and then also start a married life together.  We didn't really do that in the best way.  That was soooo long ago.   I remember our first few anniversaries when we tried to do something "unique" and "different".   An early anniversary that I remember involved going golfing for the first time.  I was really terrible of course, and we had to stop a lot to let other people play through.  Then an employee came out to the green and said, "Just take her to green and let her putt"...because I was doing such a terrible job driving the ball.  When all that was done, we took off on the most exciting adventure ever that completely changed us.  We headed off around the world to work in Indonesia. 

Our thirteen years in Indonesia brought many changes in our lives, but probably the biggest changes were the 3 wonderful young men who joined our family! :) We endured alot in another country--both good and bad.  But, what made it all wonderful was going through it with Casey.   I will remember flying to Bali for one anniversary and I will also never forget a more recent anniversary (#14) when we got to spend a few days almost completely isolated on a remote tropical island. That was pretty stinkin' fabulous :)

Often when we hit an anniversary, I find myself wanting to assess how we could do it better.  I start thinking of the things I feel that we could improve as we continue on this journey together.  Today I just want to give thanks for the husband God gave me.  I thank God that we got to experience a new culture and language together.  I am thankful that God gave us three most excellent sons to raise.  I am thankful for the wisdom God has given my husband and for his care and protection for his family.  I am thankful for the dedication that he gives to the job he hates, so he can provide for us.  I know that God has used his life to bless others and I know that this place, where he is right now, is not permanent.  I hope for something where Casey can use the talents God has given him in order to be a blessing to others.   I am also really thankful that he loves me---and puts up with me :).

Right now we are living by someone who lost their spouse recently.  It hurts my heart to think of being without the person you love.   I do not want to take this man---my sweet husband--for granted...ever.  I do hope and pray that we get so spend many  more days together.  I also know that I must live in the now and treasure every day I am given.