Lost

As you can tell from looking at this blog, my blog has gotten "lost"...and I rather feel like I have gotten lost too.  It is so hard to tell where I am right now.  There is so much going on with my family, our transition to the States, and my own mind and heart.  I feel lost in this powerful storm and there has not been a break in the weather. 

Something that has caught my heart recently is the story of the disciples in the boat with Jesus.  He was so tired and as the boat went out on the water, He fell asleep.  As He slept, as storm came upon them.  They battled with it, trying to keep their boat from capsizing.  As they worked and struggled, He rested.  That's an incredible picture in my mind.  I see their arms flexed, their teeth clenched...every part of them, heart and soul, involved in the struggle.   And, He sleeps.  Peacefully, quietly, without concern at that time.  What has spoken to me is that He didn't get up right away.  He continued to sleep.   He let them struggle and work for awhile.  They had to come to Him and rouse Him..."Help us Lord!"   I don't know His purpose for them in that moment.  I don't know why they had to deal with the tough exhausting work or the fear and terror of impending death.  Maybe so that they could see, that there is peace in that. He has a peace that He offers that cannot be shaken by our intense emotions, grief, loss, pain, suffering and "being lost".   I fight, I pull, I struggle--and as I look at Him in the boat of my life, I just want to let go and snuggle up in the crook of His outstretched sleeping arm.   What am I waiting for?   There is peace and there is rest. 

(Now that my blog is no longer "lost", I hope to use it more often...) :)